How to write a review on Fragrantica

You don't have to like perfume or even have tried the perfume in question. You too can sound like a connoisseuse of perfumes

Scent	You say:
White flowers	Screechy
Patchouli	PATCHOULI BOMB
Rose	Jammy / Not jammy (depending on how sweet it is)
Fruity	Smells like Jolly Rancher candy (especially if watermelon)
Iris	Powdery / Musty
Violet	Smells like makeup
Gardenia	Old lady scent
Liquorice	Burning rubber
Citrus	Smells like toilet cleaner / air freshener
Aldehydes	Smells like hand sanitiser
Cherry / berries	Smells like cough syrup
Coconut	Smells like sun cream
Lavender	Masculine
Jasmine	Indolic / Not indolic (Does it smell a little bit like shit? Then it is indolic)
Benzoin	I can't stand benzoin, it gives me a migraine.
Marshmallow / candyfloss / any other kind of sweet	Cheap and childish

Brand matters too. Try to drop in one of the following angles:

Brand	You say:
Dior	Scent disappeared half an hour later, so weak and watered down. If it is Miss Dior, it is "catering to the Chinese market"
Paco Rabanne	Tacky bottle
Marc Jacobs	Overpriced
Ariana Grande	Thank U, Next = Smells like pickles. Cloud = Inferior to Baccarat Rouge. Anything else = Inferior to Cloud.
Britney Spears	OOES SHE KNOW PERFUMES ARE STILL BEING SOLD IN HER NAME? LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!
Burberry	No longer relevant omg why are they still selling this crap
Citrus	Smells like toilet cleaner / air freshener
Aldehydes	Smells like hand sanitiser
Cherry / berries	Smells like cough syrup
Coconut	Smells like sun cream
Lavender	Masculine
Jasmine	Indolic / Not indolic (Does it smell a little bit like shit? Then it is indolic)
Benzoin	I can't stand benzoin, it gives me a migraine.
Marshmallow / candyfloss / any other kind of sweet	Cheap and childish

Remember to say that the perfume you're reviewing is an inferior version of one or more of the following:

A Victoria's Secret perfume (ideally from the "Bombshell" range
A Bath and Body Works perfume
A Burberry perfume (preferably Burberry Brit / Sheer / Her / Weekend)
Marc Jacobs "Daisy"
Ariana Grande "Cloud"
Whatever's currently popular from Kilian, Parfums de Marly, Maison Francis Kurkdijan, or Tom Ford
Discontinued earlier release by the same brand

Alternatively, complain that the perfume has been reformulated and is no longer as good as it used to be.

Note: All the above applies to women's perfumes. Men's perfumes are different.

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